After many years, Dr. Gary Chapman began to consistently see a trend among married couples he counselled. Husbands and wives would confess to being on completely different pages and were constantly butting heads. He concluded that men and women aren’t really from different planets after all. Instead, in his book, 5 love languages, he categorized couples’ communication quarrels into,
5 preferred ways of both expressing and receiving love.
Therefore, couple’s misunderstanding or hurt stem from the inability to effectively identify and express your partners’ love language. Too often we try and show love to our spouses the way we, ourselves, like to receive it. How well do you satisfy your partners desire to receive love? It’s not as complicated as it sounds. The first step is to find out what your primary love language is. There will be overlap but Chapman says most people have one, primary love language that is most preferred.
This doesn’t necessarily have to include the obvious. It actually might mean more to you to simply hold hands, be caressed in passing, or have your feet rubbed etc. Touch can bring out many physiological responses. It releases neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin making you feel happier and more at ease. If you aren’t receiving as much physical touch in your relationship you might feel distant or have a sense of longing towards your spouse.
To satisfy a partner whose primary love language is physical touch, you can be the one taking on the role of initiating romance which would come as a great surprise. You can also be more mindful and snuggle more or run your fingers through their hair. Thankfully, this one is easy to remedy.
If your primary love language is to receive gifts, than your partner has a lot creative work ahead of him. You are the type of person that understands love through things like receiving flowers to the office, coming home to a box of chocolates or being lavished with jewellery.
If this is you than you are actually in luck! Men have an innate nature to provide. It’s easier for him to show love through gifts than it is through words. The only downside is that it can be easily confused with buying one’s affection if gifts is not their love language.
Going for walks or having dinner together is most important to you. It doesn’t matter what you are doing as long as its with your loved one. This is a really tough one if your spouse works long hours and consistently coming home late or missing dance recitals. If you are both busy with work and caring for the children there isn’t much time left for each other. Parents often leave quality time together as a last resort to a busy day. Planned or scheduled date nights are a great solution here. So, find a reliable babysitter and make this something to look forward to.
Acts of service
Do you love to do things for other people? Are you more likely to make a card from scratch, paint your friends toenails, bake your husband a batch of his favourite cookies? Than your love language might be Acts of Service.
Believe it or not mens’ primary love language is often Acts of Service. It’s easier to do than say. Problems arise here when husbands think they are showing love by doing certain things for their wives around the house. It’s not that the other spouse is ungrateful but that it’s just not the other’s primary love language. It doesn’t pack the same meaningful punch.
Words of affirmation
If you would rather not have to do the guess work and be told how you are loved, Words of Affirmation might be your primary love language. Nothing else can make you feel better than hearing those three words. It could be in a love letter, a love song or whispered in your ear.
Conflict often arises because men tend to be more do’ers than sayers. They often have troubles verbalizing what’s on their mind and are more likely to bottle it in what’s on their heart. This is one of the toughest love languages to meet. Both partners need to meet each other in the middle and open the lines of communication.
Comment below and tell me what love language(s) you speak? Here is a quiz you can do to find out…
36 Comments on 5 Love Languages- Which do you speak?
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[…] 5 Love Languages- Which do you speak?. […]Reply
Jennifer | The Deliberate MomJanuary 15, 2015 at 1:25 pm (2 months ago)
I have heard so many wonderful things about this book. I really have to check it out. Of the 5 love languages I would say service and affirmations are definitely the ones I express the most. I’m so intrigued by this!
Thanks so much for sharing and for linking this post up to the #SHINEbloghop!
Wishing you a lovely day.Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 15, 2015 at 2:50 pm (2 months ago)
Hi Jennifer!! So great to hear from you again! It is very interesting isn’t it? It all makes logical sense and takes a little effort and we can all be speaking the same language Love sharing at the #SHINEbloghop! See you next week, BrandNewMom!Reply
Misplaced Brit (@Misplaced_Brit)January 21, 2015 at 3:50 am (2 months ago)
I loved the book! And I love that the content has just stuck with me …If you search for the 5 love languages, there’s a free online test too. Though lots of people recognize themselves in one of the explanations right awayReply
RobinJanuary 15, 2015 at 1:37 pm (2 months ago)
I read the one for children and it was awesome! I probably should read the one for my marriage also!Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 15, 2015 at 2:49 pm (2 months ago)
I actually didn’t know there was one for children, although it makes total sense. Thanks for stopping by! It definitely can help with all relationships!Reply
SusannahJanuary 15, 2015 at 6:30 pm (2 months ago)
I’m totally quality time while my husband is words of affirmation. Learning about the Love Languages has definitely helped our marriage. Thanks for linking up with the Faith and Fellowship Blog Hop!Reply
veronica leeJanuary 16, 2015 at 9:54 am (2 months ago)
I speak acts of service.Reply
Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
Have a nice day!
Brandi ClevingerJanuary 16, 2015 at 4:47 pm (2 months ago)
Is it possible to have more than one love language? Because I’m a little of each, but not too much of any one. It’s a good balance. My husband is very easy – it’s physical touch.Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 16, 2015 at 4:51 pm (2 months ago)
Oh yes, there’s overlap but Chapman says one usually prevails.Reply
LaurenJanuary 16, 2015 at 10:20 pm (2 months ago)
I always thought I was physical touch, but after doing the test I was surprised to find that my love language is Words of Affirmation!Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 16, 2015 at 10:23 pm (2 months ago)
My husband is acts of service and continually shows love to ne that way. Its not that I don’t appreciate what he does bc I do, it’s just I’m also a Words of Affirmation type of girl.Reply
soph1003January 18, 2015 at 8:00 pm (2 months ago)
My husband and I are both: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time of course.
-Soph from http://www.sophiacoleblog.comReply
BrandynJanuary 20, 2015 at 12:34 am (2 months ago)
I’m going to have to read this book! It makes total sense that confusion can arise if you’re speaking different languages. Definitely something that I’ll keep in mind!
Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!Reply
DanicaJanuary 20, 2015 at 1:41 am (2 months ago)
My husband and I speak quality time We love finding time together amidst our busy schedules.Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 20, 2015 at 1:43 am (2 months ago)
That’s amazing you both speak the same primary language! It must make everything just that much easier.Reply
Sarah (Ruffles and Rain Boots)January 20, 2015 at 5:36 pm (2 months ago)
There’s a great one for kids, too. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a quick read.Reply
Thanks for linking up at the Thank Goodness It’s Thursday!
BrandNewMomJanuary 21, 2015 at 7:06 pm (2 months ago)
I saw that…it’s so amazing how simple the concept really and how it can be applied to any relationship! Thanks for stopping by Sarah!Reply
jesthepilgrimJanuary 21, 2015 at 3:45 am (2 months ago)
Good morning! I am visiting from Coffee and Conversation link up. I was excited to see this article because this book is on my nightstand right now as next up to read. I think Acts of Service sounds close to my language… Thanks for sharing this!Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 21, 2015 at 7:04 pm (2 months ago)
Hi Jes! I’m excite that you are going to be reading this! I hope I didn’t spoil it for you. @Misplaced_Brit just gave me the link for a self test if you want to try it…http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ Enjoy the read and I hope it is helpful!Reply
Misplaced Brit (@Misplaced_Brit)January 21, 2015 at 3:53 am (2 months ago)
I love that book!
Last Christmas I was thinking about what ways we express love to our kids during those few crazy days… It’s easy to think it’s enough that they got presents, so now they should just get on with playing with them! It’s worth a little reflection any way
Check it out, if you’re interested: http://misplacedbrit.com/parenting/5-love-languages-at-christmas/Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 21, 2015 at 7:00 pm (2 months ago)
I will definitely check that out thank you for stopping by!Reply
SophieJanuary 21, 2015 at 7:50 am (2 months ago)
I love this post. I’ve been reading ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and it says very similar things!! XxxReply
BrandNewMomJanuary 21, 2015 at 6:58 pm (2 months ago)
I haven’t heard of that one but am going to look it up! Thank you for stopping by and commenting Sophie!Reply
Tiffany of Mommy MethodologyJanuary 21, 2015 at 1:16 pm (2 months ago)
This book made a big impact on my husband and I. I found out that I need words of affirmation and acts of service pretty equally. I am now in the process of reading the book for children.Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 21, 2015 at 6:55 pm (2 months ago)
Isn’t it a wonderfully easy concept as well? I hope to be able to apply this to my child as well! Thanks for stopping by, Tiffany!Reply
Joanna SormunenJanuary 22, 2015 at 4:12 pm (2 months ago)
I did the test and got word’s of affirmation first (by majority) and physical touch, second. It was a good confirmation of something I already knew about myself. I’m a very verbal person but also the touch is very important to me.Reply
Christine from SoDomesticallyChallengedJanuary 22, 2015 at 4:46 pm (2 months ago)
I’ve heard about the five love languages for a long time, but never knew what that was. Very interesting! My husband and I are both quality time peopleReply
CrystalJanuary 23, 2015 at 12:14 pm (2 months ago)
Be sure to read the one about children early on in motherhood. I read it 15 years in and I can see some things I would have done differently if I had read it earlier!Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 23, 2015 at 12:24 pm (2 months ago)
I definitely will! Thanks Crystal! Maybe I’ll do another post on the Children’s one after I read it! Thanks for stopping by!Reply
JacanaJanuary 26, 2015 at 11:38 pm (2 months ago)
My goodness I am a gift giver. Haven’t heard of this book until now – seems like a must read.Reply
BrandNewMomJanuary 26, 2015 at 11:59 pm (2 months ago)
It totally opened my eyes and demistified the origin to some of our quarrels. I totally recommend! Thanks for stopping by @Jacana!Reply
Lynda HardyJanuary 29, 2015 at 2:55 pm (2 months ago)
Lovely article! Thanks so much for linking up to Awesome Life Friday!Reply
Kristi MillerFebruary 12, 2015 at 6:30 pm (1 month ago)
Acts of service for sure. My husband’s is words of affirmation. We’re both working on it though. It is amazing the difference we see and feel when we actively work to speak in each other’s love language. Thank you for these reminders. I’m visiting from A Little R&R Linkup!Reply
Kristi Miller recently posted…Step 5 of 6 in the Waiting
StephanieFebruary 18, 2015 at 5:34 pm (1 month ago)
I show love in Acts of Service but rfeel loved by words of affirmation. My husband is physical touch ( loves those back rubs) and quality time. I find find it always helps to toss words of affirmation in there too. I don’t think anyone feels unloved from some compliments! This book helped to change my marriage.Reply
Stephanie recently posted…Are You a Fun Wife?
BrandnewmomblogFebruary 18, 2015 at 7:46 pm (1 month ago)
It’s true compliments are always nice…that being said sometimes when they are not coming from a genuine place they are not as appreciated:) lol It really is a great way to re-think communication in a relationship. It definitely helps me figure out how to best show love to my husband too! Thank you for stopping by and for your valued comment, StephanieReply