After many years, Dr. Gary Chapman began to consistently see a trend among married couples he counselled. Husbands and wives would confess to being on completely different pages and were constantly butting heads. He concluded that men and women aren’t really from different planets after all. Instead, in his book, 5 love languages, he categorized couples’ communication quarrels into,
5 preferred ways of both expressing and receiving love.
Therefore, couple’s misunderstanding or hurt stem from the inability to effectively identify and express your partners’ love language. Too often we try and show love to our spouses the way we, ourselves, like to receive it. How well do you satisfy your partners desire to receive love? It’s not as complicated as it sounds. The first step is to find out what your primary love language is. There will be overlap but Chapman says most people have one, primary love language that is most preferred.
Physical Touch
This doesn’t necessarily have to include the obvious. It actually might mean more to you to simply hold hands, be caressed in passing, or have your feet rubbed etc. Touch can bring out many physiological responses. It releases neurotransmitters dopamine and serotonin making you feel happier and more at ease. If you aren’t receiving as much physical touch in your relationship you might feel distant or have a sense of longing towards your spouse.
To satisfy a partner whose primary love language is physical touch, you can be the one taking on the role of initiating romance which would come as a great surprise. You can also be more mindful and snuggle more or run your fingers through their hair. Thankfully, this one is easy to remedy.
Gifts
If your primary love language is to receive gifts, than your partner has a lot creative work ahead of him. You are the type of person that understands love through things like receiving flowers to the office, coming home to a box of chocolates or being lavished with jewellery.
If this is you than you are actually in luck! Men have an innate nature to provide. It’s easier for him to show love through gifts than it is through words. The only downside is that it can be easily confused with buying one’s affection if gifts is not their love language.
Quality time
Going for walks or having dinner together is most important to you. It doesn’t matter what you are doing as long as its with your loved one. This is a really tough one if your spouse works long hours and consistently coming home late or missing dance recitals. If you are both busy with work and caring for the children there isn’t much time left for each other. Parents often leave quality time together as a last resort to a busy day. Planned or scheduled date nights are a great solution here. So, find a reliable babysitter and make this something to look forward to.
Acts of service
Do you love to do things for other people? Are you more likely to make a card from scratch, paint your friends toenails, bake your husband a batch of his favourite cookies? Than your love language might be Acts of Service.
Believe it or not mens’ primary love language is often Acts of Service. It’s easier to do than say. Problems arise here when husbands think they are showing love by doing certain things for their wives around the house. It’s not that the other spouse is ungrateful but that it’s just not the other’s primary love language. It doesn’t pack the same meaningful punch.
Words of affirmation
If you would rather not have to do the guess work and be told how you are loved, Words of Affirmation might be your primary love language. Nothing else can make you feel better than hearing those three words. It could be in a love letter, a love song or whispered in your ear.
Conflict often arises because men tend to be more do’ers than sayers. They often have troubles verbalizing what’s on their mind and are more likely to bottle it in what’s on their heart. This is one of the toughest love languages to meet. Both partners need to meet each other in the middle and open the lines of communication.
Comment below and tell me what love language(s) you speak? Here is a quiz you can do to find out…
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
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I have heard so many wonderful things about this book. I really have to check it out. Of the 5 love languages I would say service and affirmations are definitely the ones I express the most. I’m so intrigued by this!
Thanks so much for sharing and for linking this post up to the #SHINEbloghop!
Wishing you a lovely day.
xoxo
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Hi Jennifer!! So great to hear from you again! It is very interesting isn’t it? It all makes logical sense and takes a little effort and we can all be speaking the same language :) Love sharing at the #SHINEbloghop! See you next week, BrandNewMom!
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I loved the book! And I love that the content has just stuck with me …If you search for the 5 love languages, there’s a free online test too. Though lots of people recognize themselves in one of the explanations right away :-)
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I read the one for children and it was awesome! I probably should read the one for my marriage also!
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I actually didn’t know there was one for children, although it makes total sense. Thanks for stopping by! It definitely can help with all relationships!
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I’m totally quality time while my husband is words of affirmation. Learning about the Love Languages has definitely helped our marriage. Thanks for linking up with the Faith and Fellowship Blog Hop!
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I speak acts of service.
Hi! Stopping by from Mom Bloggers Club. Great blog!
Have a nice day!
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Is it possible to have more than one love language? Because I’m a little of each, but not too much of any one. It’s a good balance. My husband is very easy – it’s physical touch.
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Oh yes, there’s overlap but Chapman says one usually prevails.
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I always thought I was physical touch, but after doing the test I was surprised to find that my love language is Words of Affirmation!
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My husband is acts of service and continually shows love to ne that way. Its not that I don’t appreciate what he does bc I do, it’s just I’m also a Words of Affirmation type of girl.
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My husband and I are both: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, and quality time of course. :)
-Soph from http://www.sophiacoleblog.com
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I’m going to have to read this book! It makes total sense that confusion can arise if you’re speaking different languages. Definitely something that I’ll keep in mind!
Thank you for sharing with us at #MommyMeetupMondays!
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My husband and I speak quality time :) We love finding time together amidst our busy schedules.
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That’s amazing you both speak the same primary language! It must make everything just that much easier.
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There’s a great one for kids, too. If you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a quick read.
Thanks for linking up at the Thank Goodness It’s Thursday!
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I saw that…it’s so amazing how simple the concept really and how it can be applied to any relationship! Thanks for stopping by Sarah!
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Good morning! I am visiting from Coffee and Conversation link up. I was excited to see this article because this book is on my nightstand right now as next up to read. I think Acts of Service sounds close to my language… Thanks for sharing this!
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Hi Jes! I’m excite that you are going to be reading this! I hope I didn’t spoil it for you. @Misplaced_Brit just gave me the link for a self test if you want to try it…http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ Enjoy the read and I hope it is helpful!
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I love that book!
Last Christmas I was thinking about what ways we express love to our kids during those few crazy days… It’s easy to think it’s enough that they got presents, so now they should just get on with playing with them! It’s worth a little reflection any way :-)
Check it out, if you’re interested: http://misplacedbrit.com/parenting/5-love-languages-at-christmas/
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I will definitely check that out thank you for stopping by!
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I love this post. I’ve been reading ‘I love you but I’m not in love with you’ and it says very similar things!! Xxx
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I haven’t heard of that one but am going to look it up! Thank you for stopping by and commenting Sophie!
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This book made a big impact on my husband and I. I found out that I need words of affirmation and acts of service pretty equally. I am now in the process of reading the book for children.
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Isn’t it a wonderfully easy concept as well? I hope to be able to apply this to my child as well! Thanks for stopping by, Tiffany!
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I did the test and got word’s of affirmation first (by majority) and physical touch, second. It was a good confirmation of something I already knew about myself. I’m a very verbal person but also the touch is very important to me.
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I’ve heard about the five love languages for a long time, but never knew what that was. Very interesting! My husband and I are both quality time people :)
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Be sure to read the one about children early on in motherhood. I read it 15 years in and I can see some things I would have done differently if I had read it earlier!
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I definitely will! Thanks Crystal! Maybe I’ll do another post on the Children’s one after I read it! Thanks for stopping by!
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